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GUEST STARS
Hudson Lieck (Callisto)
Karl Urban (Julius Caesar)
David Franklin (Brutus)
Jennifer Sky (Amarice)
Tim Omundson (Eli)
John Leigh (Nabcot)
Sean Aston-Peach (Jailer)
Jim Ngaata (warlord with head)
Rodney Cooke (guy that got nerve pinched)
Jane Fuller-Smith (Woman in hell)
Alan Poppleton (Hanged man)
Written by R. J. Stewart
Edited by Robert Field
Directed by Ken Girotti
Callisto returns from hell with a double mission: corrupt Xena and make Julius Caesar emperor. [Barking] [Man screaming] [Woman screaming] Man: I want to die! Man: Please! Please! I want to die! Ghost Gabrielle: [Evil laughter] Who's suffering now, Callisto? Callisto: Ahhhh! Ghost Xena: And you thought you were getting oblivion. This place makes tartarus look like a day at the beach. How long are you in for? Eternity? That's got to smart. Callisto: No-o-o! Ghost Xena: [Chuckling] Callisto: [Cries] Man: Ugh! Ooh! Ohh! Callisto: [Sobs] Get over it! Man: [Groans] Man: I'm doomed to be obsessed for eternity With a woman who despises me. What a nightmare! Callisto: No kidding. Man: You'd think after what I told him about you, That you would give me more respect. Callisto: Him? You mean him. Man: He's come to trust me. I have his ear from time to time. I told him your desire. Callisto: You mean he's going to let me go back? Man: Well, he shares with you an interest in xena. Man: She's someone he thought he had in his grasp, But now he's not so sure. Callisto: You mean to tell me Those stupid, maudlin missions she goes on Are going to end her up in paradise?! Man: Probably not paradise. Most likely she'll be born higher up the karmic ladder. Callisto: Right. She cooks my family, destroys my life, And I end up in hell while she gets another shot. Callisto: That's fair, isn't it? Ghost Xena: Got to love the irony. Callisto: [Barks] Callisto: You tell him if he wants her here, I'm the woman for that job. Man: You must not harm her physically in any way. Your victory must be a spiritual one. Man: She's found a road to redemption...The way of the warrior. You'll need to get her off that path. Man: And you have to agree to take care of one other thing for him. Callisto: Yes? What's that? Man: You know the man they call caesar? 
[Xena screams] Caesar: [Panting] Callisto: Xena can really mess up a dream, can't she? Caesar: Who are you? How do you know about my dreams? Callisto: I know everything about your life, Caesar...What it's been and what it can be. I'm here to help you get everything you've ever desired. It's through me you finally fulfill your destiny. I can give you ultimate power and free you from your greatest torment. Caesar: Xena. Callisto: Yes... Xena. I can't tell you how much we have in common in that way. Amarise: This Eli guy...he's the one that taught you all this "love your enemy" stuff? Xena: That's right. Amarise: Why do we have to go see a preacher When there are battles to fight and butts to kick? Xena: Because whatever Gabrielle wants, Gabrielle gets. Excuse me. When's the next ship for athens? Xena: Aah! Aaaah! Man: Ugh! Amarise: Rahh! Ugh! Ugh! [Swords clanking] Man: Rahh! Amarise: Ugh! [Gasps] Man: Oh! Aah! Xena: Aah! Man: Ugh! Man: Ugh!Ugh! Xena: Aah! Amarise: Ooh! Ugh! Amarise: What did you do that for? I had him. Gabrielle: Right. Xena: Aah! Man: Ugh! Ugh! Ohh! Man: [Choking] Xena: What do you want with me? Man: Caesar's award... [Gasping] 6 million dinars. Gabrielle: 6 Million dinars? Amarise: That's quite a temptation. Not for me...for every killer in europe. Xena: So it's come to this? Caesar wants me out of the way so bad, He's willing to deplete his fortune to do it. I think it's time I put an end To this feud between Caesar and me. Man: Uhh! Ahh! Amarise: You're not going to make peace with that slime, are you? Xena: No. I'm going to kill him. Gabrielle: Xena... You can't just walk into rome and kill caesar. Amarise: It's an opportunity to kill romans. I say we do it. Xena: We're not doing anything. I'm going to rome. Gabrielle, I can't take you, not after that vision. Amarise: What vision? Xena: I had a vision once that Gabrielle and I would die at the hands of romans. It's bad enough that we can run into romans anywhere, But if you and I were to go to rome... Gabrielle: What if I ask you not to do this? Xena: Gabrielle, he's an evil man, and he's trying to kill me. I have to take him out or die trying. It's the way of the warrior. Amarise: Was I in this vision? Xena: No. Amarise: Then I should go with you. Xena: You're staying with gabrielle. Amarise: As her bodyguard? Xena: As her friend. You could learn something If you listen to her once in a while. Promise you won't follow me. Gabrielle: I promise. Xena... Be careful. Man: There's xena's head. Caesar: Kill him. Man: Huh? Caesar: Take "Xena" with you. Man: Please, no! No! Caesar: I did as you said. So far I've had eight impostors try to claim the reward. Xena will defeat any mercenary who attacks her. Callisto: Of course. Callisto: The reward was just to get her attention. She will come to you. You need to be ready. Caesar: Yes. Well, I've made plans for that, of course. Callisto: Oh, really? Well, I suggest you just have one more card to play. Gabrielle: It's him. It's Eli. Eli: Your heart is pure, Mazin. Abba, make mazin's body as whole as his spirit. Rise, Mazin. [Crowd murmurs] Eli: It's done. You are healed. Mazin: Thank you. Eli: Now, go. Good luck. Go. [Laughing] Eli: Go. Eli: Gabrielle. Ha ha ha ha! Gabrielle: Eli. Eli: Oh. I'm so happy to see you. Gabrielle: I heard you were teaching in greece. I set out to find you. Eli: Where's xena? Gabrielle: She, um, has some work to do. This is my friend Amarise. Eli: Hello, Amarise. Amarise: If somebody threatened your mother, Would you fight to defend her? Gabrielle: Amarise and I have some philosophical differences. Eli: I see. We've got a lot to talk about. Come on. Gabrielle: Can you teach me to heal? Eli: All I can do is try and teach you how to love, But if you love with all your heart and soul, Eli: If you become love itself, Then you can heal. Gabrielle: Why is love the key? Eli: Selfless, pure love Is the only expression of divine perfection We have in this world. Eli: It's the greatest power one can possess. Amarise: Come on. Gabrielle: The only real power's at the end of a sword. [Rustling] Amarise: Did you hear that? Gabrielle: What? Amarise: Boots. Amarise: [Gasps] Eli: And if the other side has more swords? Amarise: If you can love your way out of this one, be my guest. Gabrielle: Brutus. Brutus: Hello, gabrielle. Gabrielle: You're doing Caesar's bidding again? Brutus: Caesar believes xena is trying to kill him. He has to protect himself. Gabrielle: With me. I understand. Let these people go. Brutus: My orders are to arrest you, eli, and his followers. Brutus: You'll be taken as hostages against Xena killing Caesar. Caesar's promised me no one will be hurt. Gabrielle: And you believe him? Brutus: Our friends are at war. I'm sorry this brings us into conflict, but it's inevitable. Gabrielle: Of course it is. Brutus: Move. Come on. Guard: Who the... Xena: At ease. Guard: Ohh! Xena: Let's make this short and sweet. Callisto: Brings back memories... Doesn't it, Xena? Caesar: Guards! Xena: Aahhh! Xena: Aahhh! Guard: Ahhh! Guard: Rahh! Xena: Hi-I-I-ya! Guard: This way! Guard: Look behind every arc. Guard: This way! Guard: Watch it! Callisto: My, that was a shocker, now, wasn't it? Xena: Aahhh! Callisto: Don't bother. You've done all the damage you can. Thanks, by the way. Xena: For what? Callisto: I wanted to cease existing, And you did your best to help, but as you see, it didn't take. Callisto: They wouldn't let me off the hook that easy. Xena: Who's they? Callisto: I don't know. Whoever does the final judging. They sent me to a place that makes tartarus Look like the elysian fields. Callisto: They call it hell. Xena: Couldn't have happened to a nicer gal. Callisto: The one who runs things down where I come from, He's very interested in what happens in this life. Callisto: He figures caesar will be very valuable to him, But he also figures you might be an obstacle. Xena: Then he figures right, and I won't be the only one. Plenty of people will oppose Caesar becoming emperor. Callisto: Ah, you know about the emperor thing. Xena: The laurel wreath kind of gave it away. I'm guessing that he'll announce it When the senate reconvenes on the ides of march. Callisto: My, aren't you the clever girl? Yes, some people will be unhappy, But everybody has their price...even brutus. Callisto: Caesar's going to give him gaul. That should keep him smiling. Callisto: But it's you, my darling. It's you that I'm worried about. Callisto: I'm here to make you an offer. Xena: Forget it. Callisto: Afraid you'll be tempted? Xena: Yeah, that's right. Callisto: I'll give you a hint. Gabrielle's in roman hands. Xena: You lie! Callisto: Do I? My lord gave me a briefing as to what's happened To you and gabrielle since the last time we met. Callisto: I know about india and Eli. Ahh! So you're not the only clever girl, Xena, are you? Callisto: Gabrielle's on her way to a roman prison as we speak. Callisto: So, about my offer... Xena: Get lost. Callisto: Oh, but I'm not going anywhere, Xena. Guard: Come on! Move it! Guard: Move it! Go! Guard: Keep moving! Brutus: Jailer, these prisoners are to be held here. Jailer: Yes, we've been waiting for them. Brutus: Those crosses...who are they for? Jailer: They're expecting a boatload of pirates any day. Brutus: No! Don't harm Gabrielle! Gabrielle: Of course not! I'm still useful to you, Brutus! Brutus: Get up! Gabrielle: Not until you pardon her for what she just did. Brutus: She attacked one of my men. Gabrielle: I remember when mercy was shown to you! Brutus: Put down your swords. Chain her to the prop. Amarise: Oh, please! Can't you just break my legs? Gabrielle: Come on, you! Eli: Nice move. Amarise: Yeah, if I had a little backup, Maybe I could have pulled it off! Gabrielle: You don't really think Those crosses are for a boatload of pirates, do you? Brutus: Caesar's never lied to me. Gabrielle: There's a first time for everything. Xena: Yah! Xena: Brutus. Brutus: [Gasps] Xena: I have a deal for you. Xena: You tell me where my friend Gabrielle is, And I will give you some information That will save your stinking life. Xena: Deal? Xena: Tell you what, You promise to tell me, and I will go first. Xena: Do I have your word? Brutus: And you trust me? Xena: Everyone says that Brutus is an honorable man. Do I have your word? Brutus: Yes. Xena: Beware the ides of march, Brutus. Brutus: Why the ides of march? Xena: Because on that day, Caesar will declare himself emperor. Brutus: I don't believe you. Why would he do that? Xena: Greed, lust for power, an ego the size of the aegean. Xena: Of course, he plans to rid himself Of anyone who would stand in his way. Brutus: What are you saying? Xena: He's too smart to kill you in rome. You have much too much support there, But I have firsthand knowledge That he's been talking to assassins in Gaul. Xena: So... Your turn. Xena: Come on, Brutus. Gabrielle saved your life once. Give me a chance to save hers. Brutus: I put her in a prison compound at the foot of Mt. Amaro. Brutus: I don't believe what you said about Caesar! Xena: It's your funeral. Xena: Brutus... ...Was it snowing on Mt. Amaro? Brutus: Yes, it was snowing when I left. Gabrielle: I did it. Amarise: Did what? You two are sitting there like bumps on a log. What could you have done? Eli: She did nothing. Gabrielle: That's right. I did nothing. Amarise: We're going to be nailed to crosses, And you two are bragging about doing nothing? Eli: You don't understand, Amarise. Eli: In order to become a perfect vessel for love, One has to cease all activity. Eli: Not only physical, but mental as well. Eli: It's only when you've reached that state of emptiness That you're ready at last to be filled with love. Amarise: Just in time, too. You'll be able to love the people who crucify us. Callisto: I just keep coming back. Callisto: In that way, I'm more dependable than your chakram. Callisto: My lord sees everything, Xena, And you don't have to go through with this. Callisto: I can arrange it for you and Gabrielle and her friends To walk out of here, and no one gets hurt, And you and Gabrielle can live happily ever after. Xena: What's the catch? Callisto: There is one little thing. Callisto: You have to drop your sword and join Gabrielle In fulfilling a life of love and kindness. Xena: I'm still not interested. Callisto: That's because you haven't heard it all yet. Callisto: I'm offering you complete serenity. Xena: Go on. Callisto: There's a reason you can't allow you and your partner peace. It's your guilt. Callisto: It motivates everything you do...Torments you. Invite me into your soul... Callisto: And I can purge you of that guilt. I can cleanse you of that shame that drives you. Callisto: I can give you peace if you let me. Callisto: What's it going to be, Xena...Serenity and happiness, Or another ride in that wagon with your friend Gabrielle Callisto: Think of your vision. Xena: You're trying to tempt me from my way By offering me peace. Callisto: In a nutshell. Xena: That guilt you're depending on...Put it all behind me. Xena: You see, I know now what I have to do. Xena: I have to be the best warrior I can be. To redeem myself, I have to fight evil with a sword, And that's what I'm going to do, Xena: No matter what the consequences. Callisto: Damn! Caesar: Brutus, welcome. Caesar: You deposited our little friend in a safe place, I trust? Brutus: Yes. Caesar: Perfect. Brutus: Caesar... They were building crosses when I was there. Caesar: Of course... You can't have a crucifixion without crosses, Brutus. Brutus: You're crucifying Gabrielle? Caesar: All of them. Brutus: But you told me she would be safe. You were only going to use her as a distraction. Caesar: What would distract xena more than her best friend's execution, hmm? Caesar: Tomorrow, on the ides of march, The very day I need Xena most distracted. Brutus: What happens on the ides of march? Caesar: I'm going to make an announcement, Brutus. An announcement that will change history. Caesar: How are the troops looking up there? Brutus: Excellent. Caesar: Good... Because I want you to take command of one of those legions. The 13th if you like. March them into Gaul. Brutus: Why Gaul? Caesar: I can't tell you that right now, Brutus, But...Trust me. Caesar: Mark Antony! How Are You? Amarise: I always thought I'd die in battle, not... Hung on a cross. Amarise: Do you think Xena will make it in time? Gabrielle: She'll be here. Callisto: All right, let's keep it simple. I keep the vision from coming true, And you leave caesar alone. Man: Yah! Callisto: Okay, xena, you had your chance. Callisto: La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Guard: It's Xena! Guard: Find her! Gabrielle: Xena! I'm so glad to see you! Xena: Listen, that vision is not going to happen, all right? Here. Take this. Xena: Come on, Eli, get up! Xena: Let's go! Man: They're trying to escape! Get them! Amarise: Aah! Xena: Ahh! Amarise: Ahh! Ha! Gabrielle: Go ahead! Run! Guard: This way! Gabrielle: Move! Gabrielle: Go! Xena: Go! Callisto: No. Xena: Ahh! Xena: Ah! Xena: Ahh! Gabrielle: Run for the woods! Go! Callisto: No! Callisto: No-o-o-o!! Guard: [Panting] Guard: Aaahhhh! Gabrielle: Go! Let's go! Xena: No! Gabrielle: Get up!! Xena: I can't, gabrielle! It's my spine! I can't move! Gabrielle: Aah! Callisto: Interesting. Xena: Uh...Uh... Ugh! Xena: No, gabrielle, no! Gabrielle: Rahh! Guard: Aah! Gabrielle: Aah! Xena: [Weakly] Gabrielle? Gabrielle: [Whispering] Xena. Xena: [Sighs] Xena: You're crying. Xena: Don't cry. Gabrielle: I won't. Gabrielle: Rest. Xena: Okay. Guard: It won't be long now. Brutus: Rome is under threat. Senator: I have conclusive proof that Caesar is responsible. Caesar: [Clears throat] Friends. Senator: Hail, Caesar. Senator: Hail, Caesar. Brutus: He thinks he's a god. Xena: I made you leave the way of love. It was my fault. Gabrielle: I had a choice...To do nothing or save my friend. I chose the way of friendship. Xena: I'm sorry for all the times I didn't treat you right. Gabrielle: Xena... You brought out the best in me. Gabrielle: Before I met you, no one saw me for who I was. I felt...Invisible. Gabrielle: But you saw all the things that I could be. You saved me, xena. Xena: I wish... Gabrielle: What? Xena: ...That I had read your scrolls just once. Gabrielle: You would have liked them. Xena: I know. Guard: It's time! On your feet. Xena: [Groans] Caesar: What's the matter, Brutus? Brutus: Do you have anything to tell me? Caesar: Tell you? What do you mean? Brutus: About this...Announcement you're going to make today. Caesar: Oh, that. Well, at first, you probably won't like it, But I plan to persuade you. Caesar: Are you ready for your trip to Gaul? Brutus: I'll be ready. Caesar: Good. Callisto: Don't give me that confident look. You're about to die like a slave And drag your friend with you, Callisto: And it's all right by me. Xena: Y-your lord might not feel the same way. He sent you on a mission, didn't he? Callisto: Making Caesar dictator was his main concern. Callisto: And once he's ruling, Making him an agent of my lord will be easy. Callisto: So while you lie here, helpless, He's declaring himself emperor. Caesar: Good senators, true patriots of rome, Your attention, please. Caesar: I have an important announcement to make. Caesar: To quell civil unrest, I have decided to make an important change To our government. Xena: Gabrielle... Xena: ...You were the best thing in my life. Gabrielle: I love you, Xena. Caesar: And I must supply the leadership So desperately needed. Caesar: On this day... Caesar: The 15th of March... Caesar: ...I declare myself... Caesar: Ugh! Caesar: And you, Brutus? Caesar: Ugh! Ugh! [Angelic voices humming] Xena: [Softly] Gabrielle. [Humming continues] Xena: Gabrielle.
